小记者英语角开张啦!
亲爱的小记者,你想展示你的英文写作水平吗?《小记者周刊》特为爱好英语的你开辟小小英语角,并请艾斯通外语培训中心的外教老师为你修改点评!
Hello, my name is Jason. I am a(改:....Jason,and I am a ) primary school student. Today, I took part in an English salon. (改:I took part in an English salon today,and....)In the activity, I made a new foreign friend. Her name is Elsa. She(改:Alisa and she) is from Australia. We talked about our favorite books and films. We played (改: talked) together happily and got to know each other.
English is very important. I love English and study English very hard. So, I am so happy to communicate with this friend. (改:I am so happy to have met my new friend.) It is a meaningful day for me. (改:It was a meaningful day for me) In the future, I will work harder and harder to improve my English level and to make more foreign friends.
小记者:周璨杰(芜湖市北塘小学)
Comment: This is a very good piece of writing that captures the spirit of the English salon. The paragraphs have clear and distinct topic, and serve to make the text more cohesive. The writer should use connectives more. Words like and, but and so on will make their writing easier to read.
艾斯通外教点评:文章生动地体现出了英语沙龙的精神,是一篇非常不错的写作。每段主题清晰又各有不同,使得文本更有凝聚力。作者应该多使用连接词,例如“and(和)”、“but(但是)”、“so on(等)”,这会起到方便阅读的作用。
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